Interview: Brad Wilcox on “Relationships, Virtue, and Technology in Modern Society”

Brad Wilcox spoke at “The American Family” event hosted by the Tocqueville Center at Furman University in February ’25. Wilcox is a sociology professor (University of Virginia), whose most recent book is Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization, which delves into how cultural shifts, rising individualism, and the role of religion are shaping contemporary marriages and attitudes. His Tocqueville Center talk, “Mammon or Marriage: How to Maximize Happiness in Life and Love”, is available here.

The Role of Family in a Student’s Future

Tocqueville Center:
In terms of your own work on marriage in America, what do you think is most important for college students today to know?

Brad Wilcox:
The big thing I’m trying to get my students at UVA to appreciate is that their future family life is going to be more important to them than their professional life. Given that reality, it’s important for them to understand and appreciate the value of marriage and family life—not just for themselves as individuals, but also for broader society.

“Their future family life is going to be more important to them than their professional life.”

I also encourage them to cultivate virtues that will prepare them for their futures as husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers. These virtues include fortitude, charity, and fidelity, which will be essential once they marry and have children. Most of them will get married and have children, based on current literature—college-educated Americans are more likely to get married and stay married.

Balancing Career and Relationships

Tocqueville Center:
So you’re trying to get students to think about dating, relationships, marriage, and family as seriously as they would think about their careers?

Brad Wilcox:
Exactly.

Tocqueville Center:
How do you bring this into your teaching? Are you discussing dating in class?

Brad Wilcox:
Yes, we discuss collegiate dating, marriage, and how these topics relate to emotional and financial well-being. I provide both an intellectual perspective on American family trends and practical insights on how students can navigate the dating culture to set themselves up for successful marriages. My sociology course on the family is both an intellectual and practical guide to American family life.

Virtue Formation in Relationships

Tocqueville Center:
I imagine your course materials include data from your research. Do you also incorporate literature, theology, or philosophy on virtue formation?

Brad Wilcox:
No, not directly. Although I acknowledge that courses in philosophy, literature, or theology could supplement these discussions. I do, however, reference Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice at the beginning of the semester as a way of exploring how courtship has evolved from the 19th century to today. But we don’t dive deeply into literary or philosophical texts in my course.

“I reference Pride and Prejudice as a way of exploring how courtship has evolved from the 19th century to today.”

Tocqueville Center:
You mentioned the virtue of fortitude earlier. How do you discuss that in your class?

Brad Wilcox:
I point out that men who are not stably employed are less likely to get married and, if they do marry, are more likely to get divorced. In my research and conversations with divorced individuals, a common pattern is that the husband was not consistently employed full-time. This often led to financial insecurity and frustration for the wife, which contributed to the breakdown of the marriage.

“Men who are not stably employed are less likely to get married and, if they do, are more likely to get divorced.”

While some people lose jobs for reasons beyond their control, there are also individuals who lack the commitment or capacity to maintain stable employment. Those men are significantly more likely to experience divorce. This is where fortitude as a virtue comes into play—having the resilience and determination to work and provide stability for one’s family.

Interdisciplinary Efforts in Studying Marriage and Family

Tocqueville Center:
Do you see interdisciplinary efforts at UVA or elsewhere to integrate different fields—like sociology, philosophy, and psychology—into discussions about marriage and family?

Brad Wilcox:
There are resources that could be used for such an approach. For example, Leon and Amy Kass have edited volumes on marriage, family, and courtship. These could support a multidisciplinary effort. However, I haven’t yet seen a formal initiative of that kind unfold.

Tocqueville Center:
What conditions do you think would be necessary for such an initiative to take place?

Brad Wilcox:
It would be more likely to happen at a religious college or university, where there is an explicit appreciation of the importance of marriage and family life. However, I also see potential in the growing number of “schools of civic life” across the United States, particularly in states like Florida, Texas, and North Carolina. These institutions tend to value core institutions like marriage and family, recognizing their role in the fabric of American society. I could see them supporting initiatives that educate students on the importance of family—not just for personal well-being but also for the health of our democratic society.

“Schools of civic life could support initiatives that educate students on the importance of family.”

The Impact of Technology on Relationships

Tocqueville Center:
Technology came up in your talk last night—how it interferes with what were once considered natural human interactions, like dating and marriage. Do you foresee a movement, similar to anti-smoking campaigns, that could make constant smartphone use less socially acceptable?

Brad Wilcox:
Yes. My colleague Michael Toscano and I met with a group of Richmond mothers in 2019 to discuss American family issues. After our talk, nearly all the questions they had were about their struggles with their children’s smartphone use. These were well-educated, affluent mothers who were still struggling to manage technology in their homes.

“Nearly all the questions we received were about struggles with children’s smartphone use.”

That experience led us to research the impact of smartphone use on kids and to draft policy recommendations. Our work influenced Utah Governor Spencer Cox, who worked with his legislature to pass laws granting parents greater authority over their children’s social media usage. This has since led to similar laws in Nebraska, Texas, and Florida, which restrict children’s access to social media and pornography while giving parents more control over their children’s online activity.

Tocqueville Center:
So this movement is growing?

Brad Wilcox:
Yes. Legislators, parents, and family studies organizations are becoming more involved in crafting policies to minimize children’s access to harmful online content and empower parents to manage their children’s technology use. Some schools are also banning smartphones during the school day, which is a significant step forward.

A Shift in Smartphone Policies in Schools

Tocqueville Center:
That’s fascinating. It’s surprising that allowing kids to use phones in class ever became normal in the first place.

Brad Wilcox:
If you talk to teachers, many of them are frustrated by it. At my daughter’s public high school, before they tightened their technology policy, kids were watching Netflix in class. It was ridiculous. Thankfully, schools are now starting to take this issue more seriously. Parents, teachers, and policymakers are all working to help children and families navigate the challenges posed by technology.

“Before they tightened their technology policy, kids were watching Netflix in class.”

Tocqueville Center:
Thank you. That was a great discussion!