![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/218\/2022\/08\/Provenzano-768x768-1-1.jpg\")
Furman psychology instructor Frank Provenzano.<\/p><\/div>\n
Here are five key relationships tips, which apply to all intimate partnerships, including same-sex couples, long term co-habitators and others:<\/p>\n
- \n
- Share one new thing.
\n<\/strong>Tell your partner one new thing every day \u2013 big or small.
\n\u201cLet that person know you,\u201d says Provenzano. \u201cAnd show a desire to know them.\u201d That \u201cnew thing\u201d can be a story, such as recalling an interaction at work that day, or a personal feeling, such as the way your partner\u2019s eye-rolling hurts you.<\/li>\n- Keep it 5 to 1.
\n<\/strong>For every negative thing you say to you partner, say five positive things.
\n\u201cAnd they should be genuine, not \u2018You\u2019re loyal, thrifty, kind, obedient.\u2019 They need to be reflective of the individual,\u201d says Provenzano. \u201cIf you can do 10 to 1, even better, because if there\u2019s a month where you slip, you\u2019ve got stuff in the bank. When that 5-to-1 ratio begins to disappear, you\u2019re bordering on contempt and moving into rough seas.\u201d<\/li>\n- Make rules. And then update them.
\n<\/strong>On a practical level, who will do which household tasks? On matters of personal growth, will one partner accommodate the other during, say, one partner\u2019s education or the other\u2019s business travel? As the relationship changes, the rules should change to adapt to new circumstances.<\/li>\n- Set expectations.
\n<\/strong>\u201cThe reason for the rules is to set appropriate expectations. So as the relationship unfolds, nobody is surprised,\u201d says Provenzano. \u201cPeople have to understand it\u2019s never going to be smooth sailing. There are always going to be things you bump up against. And the thing to remember is when you bump up against them, they need to be brought out into the open. Don\u2019t wait for it to fester and become a criticism. When a criticism is received poorly, it turns into contempt.\u201d<\/li>\n- Catch the contempt.
\n<\/strong>\u201cBy the time couples got to me, it was sort of a matter of trying to help them separate with no more damage, because contempt had become so severe,\u201d says Provenzano. \u201cIt becomes part of the awareness of the couple to stay in touch with one another and keep talking with one another.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t believe that breezy rom-com: Relationships take some effort. That means building some habits and avoiding others. Frank Provenzano, a Furman instructor in psychology and psychologist for more than 40 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":265,"featured_media":18328,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,48,13],"tags":[206,230,231],"class_list":["post-8613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-academic-department-page","category-psychology","category-top-four-news-4th-story","tag-psychology","tag-relationships","tag-valentines-day"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8613","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/265"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8613"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8613\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18328"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8613"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8613"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.furman.edu\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8613"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
- Keep it 5 to 1.